Captain Useless Special - Who saved all the pies

MP for Hendon (AKA Captain Useless, Souperman, Matthew Leviticus - the scourge of gay couples and Roverman the ex officio minister for Dogs human rights) has claimed yet another famous victory. His campaign to save the pasty has paid dividends. George Osborne has crumbled in the face of Matthews ferocious campaign. Having made a name for himself, early in career by allegedly thumping one of the Tory whips (no one told Matthew that whips are meant to do the whipping) and hurtling around the world as part of the Parliamentary Armed Forces program, taking part in military operations and vanquishing drug dealers everywhere (except for Hendon). Matthew came out, strongly against the pasty tax on his website.

http://www.matthewofford.co.uk/newsshow.aspx?id=4&ref=158

It is believed that the brains behind Matthews highly popular revolt was his chief policy adviser and pet Jack Russell dog, Maximus. Max has on many occasions expressed his strong support for makers of sausage rolls and pasties. He is especially partial to a steak slice. The Barnet Eye contacted Max for a comment, but he was clearly feeling Ruff. Rumour has it that Max and his protoge Matthew may have been overdoing the celebrating of his famous victory. We hope Matthew gets better soon !